Although discussing sex is not always simple, there are situations in which it is the best defense against misinterpretations regarding sexual agreements. In an earlier piece, I spoke about how shutting down (or walking away) from a discussion might be caused by feelings of anxiety or overload. Here, we examine another possible reason for declining to communicate with a partner: the desire to maintain control.
 

I should make a disclaimer. Intimate partner violence may be linked to power imbalances in relationships. This result has been confirmed in studies of relationships including sexual and gender minorities, despite the majority of research focusing on heterosexual couples (Bosco et al., 2022; Peitzmeier et al., 2020; Porsch et al., 2023; Robles et al., 2022). The requirements of couples who are being abused physically, sexually, or emotionally, or in which one spouse is controlling or observing the other's conduct, are not the focus of this essay. The Human Rights Campaign has put up an overview of intimate partner violence among LGBTQ+ individuals along with connections to pertinent national resources for anyone who needs such information.

The power of staying silent
It is tempting to define power as the right and ability to command another person to do anything (French & Raven, 1959). That's one kind of power, but you can also exert authority and power by remaining silent.

Mutual transparency, dialogue, and compromise are frequently seen as traits of constructive communication (Christensen, 1987, 1988). Inconsistencies in information sharing put the partner with less knowledge at a disadvantage. Understanding a partner's desires or beliefs in a particular circumstance helps you to appreciate what they could give up in a compromise. In our scenario, Partner 2 departs having learned a good deal about Partner 1's viewpoint but having given none of their own. Partner 2 conveys the idea that they have the power to choose whether or not this talk will take place without saying anything at all, nor in an overly harsh or authoritative manner. Asserting control over a partner's information access is a show of power (French & Raven, 1959).

Occasionally, someone will discuss "giving the silent treatment" to a spouse who has acted inappropriately. It is assumed that by keeping quiet, their spouse will feel guilty about what they did and be less likely to repeat it. According to the operant conditioning paradigm, we may interpret this as a type of negative punishment (removing something that is sought) (Skinner, 1953). It is known as coercive power, or the authority to punish, according to French and Raven (1959). An old behaviorist proverb dates back to Skinner (1953) and states that punishment imparts less information than reinforcement.
 
 

 
 
 


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