In a move that can only be described as "Muskian," the billionaire has confirmed he is on a mission to create his very own army—a “Legion,” if you will. Not an army of soldiers, mind you, but an army of children. Why? Because why not? When you're Elon Musk, and you've already conquered space, AI, electric cars, and your own brand of twitter madness, you need a new frontier to dominate: fatherhood.
Musk, who is already a father to 14 children (and counting), has reportedly sent his sperm to a Japanese woman, continuing his quest to fill the world with tiny Musk clones. The mother of this newest child—details yet to be fully disclosed—will undoubtedly raise eyebrows as the world wonders if Musk is trying to diversify his dna pool or just create a future squad of tech prodigies who can all learn to land rockets by the age of five.
His progeny roster is as impressive as his business portfolio. He’s fathered children with four women—Influencer Ashley St. Clair, singer Grimes (yes, they named their child X Æ A-12, because why not), Neuralink exec Shivon Zilis, and ex-wife Justine Musk. His rapidly expanding brood has led some to question whether he's building a futuristic version of "The Brady Bunch" or perhaps just trying to create a small startup entirely made up of his own children. One thing’s for sure: it’s going to be a hell of a family reunion.
Sources close to the tech mogul reveal that Musk sees his ever-growing family as a strategic move. "He wants a self-sustaining team of super-brains to take over the future," said an anonymous insider. "This is Elon’s way of ensuring that the Musk name and his empire survive long after he's gone. It's basically the 21st-century version of a medieval king trying to build his own dynasty, but with more tesla and fewer swords."
One can only imagine what the dinner table conversations at Musk's house must be like: "So, kid, what's your plan to colonize Mars by age 10?" It’s the kind of household where “study hard” might be replaced with “build me a Mars rover and test it before dinner.”
While his detractors might call it “eccentric” or “unhinged,” Musk himself probably views his growing family as the ultimate insurance policy for humanity’s future—because, as we all know, what could go wrong when you have a genetically-engineered, future-focused legion of children? These offspring will likely be raised to run multiple companies at once, launch space missions before they can walk, and, hopefully, make the world a more sustainable place.
But let’s not get too carried away. Given his history, it’s possible that the next headline will be something along the lines of “Elon Musk’s Children Build a Starship Powered by Their Own Ambition.” After all, we’ve learned by now to never underestimate the power of a Musk with a mission—especially if that mission involves breeding the next generation of geniuses who might one day decide to send humanity to Mars on a permanent basis.
Who’s to say, maybe in 20 years, we’ll look up at the night sky and wonder: “Did Elon Musk’s children build that Mars colony... or was it just a really good investment plan?” Either way, if you're planning on having kids, you may want to start making some calls to the nearest tech billionaire. Just don’t forget to sign a non-disclosure agreement first.
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